It all happened like this officer
by NotanotherOphi
Summary: Okay...read it...working very hard. Exhaustion setting in. Don't...make...me...beg....
1. This should bring you up to speed...and ...

I'll say right now that I'm glad that I left before I could inflict serious damage on him, on us. I think that was all for the best, then I didn't, of course. I moved in with De, I've known the girl since kindergarten. Daphne, her, and I used to be best friends up until high school, but then her parents picked up and went to Manhattan, the only place suitable for their kind of money.  
  
Brian thought my family was bad; De's is just so-uptight. We used to e- mail each other a lot; she was one of the first people to know that I was gay. I was IM-ing with her and Daphne and it just kind of came out, so to speak. I don't know how the hell De ended up the way she did.but she renounced her straight ways and joined us on the other team. Her dad said he would only accept her again when she finally brought home a nice boy to breed with. She said sure, dad, when you let me eat a girl out in front of the country club. He told her to find her own way through life, she'd be back in a week. It had been a year. Oh, she was always a Daddy's girl so he sends her a check for about $ 350 a month. Her mom and her talk about once a week, so she doesn't have it that bad. De reminds me a lot of Brian though, i.e. total party animal. Don't get her out on a dance floor unless you intend to be there all night. She doesn't hit too heavy on the drugs, I always looked out for her on that department because she was pretty tight all those years.  
  
But enough about De, I packed up my shit at the loft and told him I'd see him later, our word. We didn't end on bad terms, which I absolutely love. I just think we both needed to step back and evaluate, hell I don't want to scar him and I really don't want him to do the same to me.and it was just getting uncomfortable. So I said, Brian I am nineteen years old, I'm going to live a little, hope you're here when I get back. Okay so I didn't exactly march up to him and exactly say that shit to him.I'm just giving you the Cliffnote's version of the ordeal. It would be an understatement to say that he was shocked, but I think he's got over it. I don't want seriousness right then, did I? I must have been on drugs for about a good year of my life. What the fuck was I thinking about romance for, this young in life? I looked at Daphne and De and saw all the fucking fun there and I knew Brian was starting to just.ughh. He would not be ready for a while for a stable relationship and if I'm honest I didn't think I was either. I think I expect too much. That doesn't mean I was not going to tease Brian to the point of insanity. From that on I didn't know what I was going to do.  
  
I knew what I was not going to do and that was to fall in the arms of Romeo; the boy was and, I guess, still is smooth. Of course, De hates him. I don't even mention him to her anymore, that vein in her necks just looks like it is about to pop, her hands clenching and unclenching. Another point is that's just disrespectful to Brian. But I mean, what the fuck am I saying? Every damn rule my stupid ass made up, I broke. How fucking ironic is that?  
  
But I was not going to start on feeling sorry for myself; I'd save that 'till I am completely shit faced and had someone to listen to it. Okay. Now I had to face the first day of the rest of my life.  
  
"De! What the fuck am I going to do??" I don't think I am going to fend very well by myself. God help me.  
  
"Taylor, my God! How the hell am I supposed to know? Look around! It doesn't exactly look like I have it made." I scratch my head and raise myself to a sitting position on her shit couch.  
  
"Yeah, but aren't your parents like rich.or something?" She is moving around in the kitchen, fixing breakfast.okay not really, she put two pieces of bread in the toaster and poured us both a glass of Skyy Blue.  
  
"Well.yeah, but they won't share some of that so-called richness until.Oh my God, why didn't I think of it before?" Uh-oh. I am in for some serious trouble. She's got that smile on her, you know, that smile like the Grinch had when he had the idea of stealing Christmas.you see how well that worked out. I slink back on the couch, assuming the role as petrified sidekick.  
  
"Justin! You are a fucking genius!" Now I'm really scared because I have a slight clue to what she is talking about.  
  
"No fucking way, De!" She runs over to the couch, her socked feet sliding all over the cheap wood floor, making her way to me to get me in her evil clutches.  
  
"Justin, come the fuck off, this is the perfect idea." This is where I am going to interrupt this little narrative and say that she jinxed the whole thing before it even started and to say that things where fucked up from the beginning and I blame the whole thing on her and she is forever in my debt intake of breath Okay.  
  
"Your parents want you straight. My parents want me straight. And now I won't have to charge your ass for rent." I look at her mouth agape. She was going to make me start paying rent?? But her idea was starting to make sense, in that De sort of way. And in De I trusted. Sorry I have a thing for Fight Club, and we watched it last night. Damn! I love those indents and that jaw line.sorry.  
  
"Wait-let me get this 'straight'," her face broke out in a huge grin at my pun.  
  
"That was horrible, Justin." She swatted my arm and went to get the toast that was starting to burn. Oh, that smell was going to be around for a while. I leaned over the back of the couch watching her try to salvage the black mass that was once recognizable food.  
  
"You're saying that we pretend to be straight to get something out of our parents?" She looked at me all of a sudden with a seriousness on her face that I don't think I had ever seen in my whole life.  
  
"Yeah, you think we might actually have a chance at this?"  
  
"Hell no."  
  
"We're gonna do it aren't we?" She smiled at me hugely again.  
  
"Absolutely. But I have a few conditions." She broke out into hysterical laughter and came running towards me, slipping and sliding and practically crushing me when she fell atop me.  
  
"This won't work with me dead." She dug her elbow deeper in my ribs.  
  
"Actually it might be better, I don't want you getting any crazy ideas."  
  
"Shut the fuck up bitch!" 


	2. And so the plan was given birth...the mo...

Disclaimer: Please note that I do not own any of the characters in this story, but the exception of De. She is my love monkey. A little too much information there right? So I would appreciate anyone not suing me because all they would get is a little fleabag cat I like to call Brian.  
  
She was already formulating the plan in that twisted little brain of hers. I hated when she would get like this, stalking around the apartment, in her underwear, no less! Going up and down, making sure that every little detail, every nuance was covered.  
  
"Okay, you are officially making me sick." I have been watching her for a good half hour. I don't see how she could do it without going insane. I mean, it's freaky, and I'm not one to say that, but she just walks around with her head down and murmuring to herself, it's all very mad scientist like.  
  
"Justin, this plan has got to be foolproof, or both of our asses are grass. It's all very complicated on a certain level and I need to just figure it out so will you please shut the fuck up." Okay..  
  
"De, I am now about to approach you. I will make no sudden movement or wild hand gestures." I finally get a smile out of her.  
  
"I see it now.ahh, yes.you will be the downfall to this whole operation."  
  
"Me?!" I shriek.  
  
"Okay, Justin listen to me very carefully." And that, my dear friends, was the problem, I did. I should have known from the start that this was a bad idea, most of ours are. We both jump into these things, looking for a little bit of fun, a little bit of sex, and maybe some drugs on the side. Hell we weren't even in our twenties yet, and we were about to live the gai boi's dream.  
  
"I will contact the parental units." I felt like we should had been seated around some huge oak table with a flag behind us, both of us in army garb, maybe she would have one of those little pointer sticks or maybe a laser one.  
  
"Justin!"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Like I said, I will contact Mom and Pops, tell them that I have joined their side once again.a covert operation.and immediately they will ask me "Who? Why? When?"."  
  
"And you will say?" She was really taking this thing too seriously, but I guess one of us had to.  
  
"Justin Taylor, Daddy.I ran into him just a couple of weeks ago and all those girlish fantasies of mine just sprung back up, we will now attempt to trot of into the sunset and declare our undying love for each other-"  
  
"This is not one of those cheesy Harlequin books you have stashed under your bed." I smirked.  
  
"How dare you?! I will kill you if you breathe a word to anyone about that.especially Daphne.I would never hear the end of it." She hung her head dramatically and cursed me. I will not even repeat it.  
  
"Right, now just tell Daddy Dearest that you bumped into me, we hit it off, and we came hear to have passionate, hot hetero love."  
  
"Yuck" "Yuck"  
  
"At least we haven't lost our sense of self-preservation. You know at least we still have our morals."  
  
"Yeah" I scoff.  
  
And that was how it all started. De's dad was a bit skeptical at first, but that was to be expected. Her mother on the other hand, was practically sobbing on the phone, ranting and raving about her baby girl finally finding some dick. Ugh. I don't know how De could take that. If my mom ever said that to me I wouldn't be straight.or gay ever again. That just makes a person wanna study abstinence.  
  
Then it was my turn, I called my mom and talked for about five minutes. I told her I was 're-evaluating my life style choices.'.hahahaha.what a crock of shit. But she told me she would support anything I chose. Yeah, right. I couldn't muster up enough courage to fully lie to her, so I, rightfully, left her in the dark about my sexuality. It really is no one's business but mine, right. Unfortunately I thought wrong.  
  
*Author's Notes: I just wanted to say, you know if you have read this story, which is very unlikely, to please tell me if you know you like it, you hate it, you hate me, okay maybe not that. I don't know if my fragile little ego can go without at least some kind of criticism. Oh yeah by the way, this story is just for fun. I was lying in bed one night and it popped up, in all honesty I don't think anyone should deny their true identity just for the sake of someone's acceptance.fuck em'.but this is just for entertainment and I thought it was ironically funny. So just smile and nod and I'll get down from the soapbox, see things just go much faster when you tolerate me. Loves, A. 


	3. "Fluffer De" - I always trie to match th...

*Author's Notes: I in no way own these delicious characters, except De. And this one part is dangerously short, but I just needed a little fluffer, I fucking love that word. Anyways, keep reading and I'll keep writing, I'll still keep writing so it doesn't matter. I can take you suffering silently and much as I can take you yelling and shouting, come on. Yell for me. Loves, A.  
  
"You didn't tell her did you?" I ask quietly. He doesn't say anything, just shakes his head a little. Revealing to me the information I already knew.  
  
"I still feel, I don't know. I really don't think it's any of her damn business. And now she'll get off my back about Bri-about my ex," He still can't really say that guy's first name. To be honest, I don't know that much about the infamous Brian Kinney. I do know a few things though, mostly stuff from Daphne and a couple of things from Justin, but I had to get him really drunk first. He's terribly heart broken about it and anyone who tells you otherwise, himself included, is a goddamn liar. You can look at him and know; I can see it in his eyes. "And well, the less people are involved the better, this might blow up in our faces." I take his warning to heart, most of our plans end up with some pretty bad results, but those were always the most fun.  
  
"Well, good. It's more mine than it's yours." My lame ass attempt at a crack did not work, he is still sitting ever so quiet on my couch. His head is bent low and there is a much-hated tension in the air. I can't stand this sort of silence in my living room, there's a rule. He's not following the rule.  
  
"Justin? Look at me." It takes him a minute, but he does. He glances at me very quickly, and then resumes the position of suffering martyr. Now he's trying to get me to feel bad about this whole thing, but his plan won't work. I will not feel bad about lying to my parents for money, money that I desperately need. No income, because no job, well because I can't pass a drug test, damnitt. But that's my problem not his, I'm just asking him to be a silent partner in this little fiasco.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Damn you." I sigh and jump over the couch landing right next to him. I'm always jumping over shit like that, I swear to God one day I'm gonna break something.  
  
"What??" I sometimes forget that what I am thinking in my head doesn't actually come out of my mouth.  
  
"Here's the new deal. Consider yourself a silent partner," This he seems to understand because now he has this little smirk on his place that I never knew he had until I came back. "I really need this money, Justin. As you can tell I am barely making it by, and you need a place to stay. I don't care if you are still the biggest, flaming homo as far as the eye can see. I just need you to pretend for a little why that I am a man, hell, if you want me to get a strap-on I will." And finally, there is his smile.  
  
This has got to work, right? It's a pretty decent plan as far as really crappy ones are concerned. And now I have a roommate, so this shit hole won't be so damn lonely. And I finally have a legitimate reason to celebrate again. Ah, how I love to party and if Justin would take that Dildo out of his ass, he would realize it too. I'll get all those preconceived notions that drugs are bad out of his mind and then--  
  
"Party." We both say together. And that's exactly what we did. 


	4. All you need is...a sick sense of humor....

Once every one got there I, uh, left. I just went right outside the door, and I could still hear the music. The weird man down the hall will surely have us evicted tomorrow. I don't think De even noticed, she was up to her neck in tits and ass, and I think there was some silicone in there somewhere. How the hell does she meet these people? I have never seen so many gays and lesbians in the same room at one time, co-existing no less (I'm even counting Lindsay's disastrous party). I just needed some breathing room. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. This is what I came here for, why I wanted to live with De.  
  
From an artist's perspectives she's great -- to the regular person, they only see skin deep. There's just something there, but that's what she says about me all the time. If the world could only see what she sees, they would offer me everything. But, we used to joke around that she was this drunken fairy in another life, but she always denied it vehemently, she always wanted to be a David Bowie groupie that died very young, happy, sated, and high.  
  
"We should all be so lucky, maybe David fucked me before I died."  
  
"I seriously doubt it."  
  
"Don't be jealous that David gave me everything I desired before I died."  
  
"Considering his sexual escapades he is more likely to fuck me than to fuck you."  
  
"You take that back!"  
  
"No way."  
  
"David loved me! More than you or any other of his little groupies put together."  
  
"Well, he loved fucking me more."  
  
"You lie!"  
  
"I think you need to calm down."  
  
"I think your right. Where's David when you need him?"  
  
We were so fucking crazy back then, and well, she still is. Like that would ever change, but the good memories are bringing me out of my funk. I move past to let some other people in, cute guy (*gaydar, gaydar* That's a big definite, no one straight wears his pants like that.) and the cute straight girl. This looks very familiar. He gives me the eye, while I hold open the door and let them in. This might be more fun than I thought.  
  
I end up grabbing the liquor that everyone is passing around, good thing we have Daddy's money now. Parties like these are so expensive. I see the people on her couch snorting the premium coke on little mirrors, little reflections they never see. Cute guy saunters over. Mmm, beer tastes a little funny. A couple more of these and well I'll be fucking-David-happy.  
  
"Feel good?" De whispers to me, sliding up behind me and pulling me out to the only clear place in the room, where everyone is dancing, where the couples are this close to fucking right then and there.  
  
"Very." Were moving together, one of the very rare hetero partners out here. De's clawing at my shirt, which gets some raised eyebrows from a pack of guys a feet away from us. I just smile and lean back.  
  
"Why so many homos?" She smiles against the back of my neck. I can already smell the strong essence of alcohol on her. I turn her around and her eyes are close to rolling back, she is seriously fucked up. But I'm almost there myself. What the fuck was in that beer?  
  
"I figured we'd have a better chance of getting us both some ass. As Eddie says "Pretty good odds for a shagging.""  
  
"Yeah, among other things." She giggles over that one, putting more of her weight on me.  
  
"I hate to tell you this, De, but you ain't fucking fairy lite."  
  
"Ha, I'll leave that up to you."  
  
"Funny." We really start dancing now. God, I need to remember this. I love it when De dances, she just fucking let's go. Everything. It's amazing that we both have a passion for this shit. Never ceases to amaze me how much I love to just become adrift in the sea of never-ending bodies. No matter where you are in the world, someone is always fucking dancing.  
  
"Justin?" She whispers.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"This is probably be the only deep thing you'll ever here me say, but I'm so fucking high and stoned and drunk, I'll be able to blame it on that tomorrow. But I realized very early on you need to have a sick sense of humor about life, don't take yourself too seriously. Ya know?" I nod silently, taking her words in. De never did talk about the seriousness of life, why? Only she knows, but I wanted to remember this and what she said, because who really knows when she'd ever get this philosophical again?  
  
"Do you mind?" Cute guy wants in on some of the action. De looks up at him and smirks. She mouths a "Have a good time" and I mouth right back to her "I'm sure you will." She'd wink if she could.  
  
I really couldn't hear the cute guy's name over the blasting of the music, but it makes no matter to me, he will be known as Finch (He really doesn't look like an Abercrombie) and that's really all my drug ladled mind can think up. I know, but it's fun. The beer is still being passed around, each person adding a little something to the mixture, and low and behold, De chugs the entire thing. I think she has built up a resistance. I would probably be puking up the entire thing by now, but she just gives me that great grin and makes some very lewd hand gestures.  
  
Finch and I are still dancing, grinding to the pulsating rhythm around us. It beats are deep and hypnotic and I try not to let anything spoil this good mood I'm in. So when he passes me something I gratefully take it. I don't want any of me touching the ground right now; sometimes I think you just have to leave your body, you rational thought for a little while. Wow. That was deep.  
  
I shake my head a little; I really need to clear these fucking somber thoughts. Shit, looks like De picked up the entertainment for the night, a buxom brunette that is at least a couple of inches taller than her. I see them stumble into her bedroom and De pushes her on the bed. The brunette will take anything that De has to offer her, soak it up and treasure it. Even this fucked up I noticed that. She moves back to the party, facing it. I love her bedroom; she's got these fucking sliding doors, that way she can just shut the world out. She's got her hands on either side of them and before she closes them she makes eye contact with me. And we stay that way, for a minute, an hour, forever, until she turns her head and closes the doors with a slam. I grab Finch and move back to my room and maybe I'll try to lose myself once again. But he won't be the best; I'll never have the best.  
  
*Author's Notes: Ah, two in one night. Bless my gay stars. I really need to stop watching QD, but nonetheless. You know the deal, not mine, never will be mine, but Cowlip is a spiteful God. Anyways, I'll be back later, making you writhe in agony as my little friends become more involved in their wacky adventure, and plus I think it's time that the rest of the gang joined them. Loves, A. 


	5. Morning Afters...Misery Loves Company...

*Author's Notes: Yeah, Yeah, and Yeah. You know the drill by now. Don't own anything, sigh, but don't stop readin'. Loves, A.  
  
Morning after's. I fucking hate morning after's. The feeling that your head is gonna crack wide open, so you curl into the fetal position, pray to God to either send you a loaded automatic or another drink because you'd rather be dead or drunk than face that harsh light of day. See, I thought you would know what I was talking about. I faintly hear Justin in the other room groaning, wait, that can't be right. My hearing ain't bad, but it ain't that good either. Should I dare attempt to move a limb of my body?  
  
"Don't even think about it, if you touch me I'll throw up all over you." I think that was the answer I was looking for.  
  
"I wouldn't dream of it." Both of our voices are muffled, both of us under layers, of layers of cotton. I briefly wonder what happened to the other occupant of my bed when I feel a warm body sidle up to me. Damn her, I'd push her out of bed but I lack the strength. I know for a fact she didn't do anything last night. Completely clean. I am positive she did this just for this morning.  
  
It could be minutes or it could be hours when I finally decide that I can no longer reach sanctuary underneath the covers. I groan very loudly and it set's off a chain. Justin is still struggling to stay where he is. Bastard.  
  
Eva (?) helps me out of the bed and offers to cook me breakfast. I don't think I can stomach this early in the morning. An awkward silence follows. For the love of God take the hint.  
  
"Call me?" She says when she's out in the hallway, her rumpled coat in her arms.  
  
"Sure." I try to muster a smile and lean to kiss her on the cheek. She smiles and heads off the God knows. I close the door and lean my forehead on the frame. It feels so good against my flushed skin that I think I'll be content to just stand here forever.  
  
"You get rid of her?" Justin asks, pulling himself out of my room in search of a drink and some aspirin.  
  
"Of course, did you get rid of him?"  
  
"Of course." I nod and step away from the door, heading towards him. He's still struggling with the childproof cap, so I take it from him gently and take about six out. I can already tell this is going to be a bad day.  
  
Later on when the mind-blowing headaches subside, he asks me out for lunch. "Why Justin Taylor, are you asking me out on a date?"  
  
"Women, they always read too much into things."  
  
"I'll just take that as a yes." He smiles and heads for the door.  
  
"Let's walk." And we did.  
  
He takes me to this little diner, right in the heart and center of Liberty Avenue. It's not very crowded and I'm glad, I don't think my fragile psyche can take much noise now. He's looking around all nervous and like, and of course I take offense.  
  
"Justin!" I admonish, "Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?"  
  
He looks at me incredulously for a moment and laughs.  
  
"De, no. Oh God no, I work here. You know that, I'm just on the lookout for-"  
  
"Ex's" I catch his little wince.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Good, because I'd hate to have to kick your ass in front of all your co- workers."  
  
"Not in your state, you'd be lucky if you could even hold your own against Daphne."  
  
"I cannot help it, she is freakishly strong." He just smirks. He knows I'm right, goddamnit.  
  
It's at this moment that a wild woman who can I can only conceive to be Debbie heads toward us, her arms outstretched, her smile as bright as can be (not to mention her hair). I think she is gonna grab for Justin, but instead grabs me and hugs me as tightly as I can.  
  
"Deb-it's good-to finally meet-you." I try to breathe out. I can't move my arms, that's not good is it? Justin is in shock for a good fifteen seconds before coming to my rescue.  
  
"Deb, I don't think she can breathe." She steps back, looking very nervous, and happy, and excited all at the same time.  
  
"I just-The famous De right in my very own Diner."  
  
"How the hell do you two even know each other?" Like he doesn't know.  
  
"Well, Sunshine, considering you used to talk about her when you were living with me and those times she called completely out of her mind worried about you, I got to know her pretty well." I just look at them sheepishly. She's right. I talked to Deb on the phone a record four hours one night after Justin got out of his coma (That was when I found out what that little bastard did to him.)  
  
"After the incident, she had to talk to me forever to talk me out of coming down here and stringing up that little prick by his fucking balls." Debbie smiles and grabs my cheeks in the way only mothers can. And all of a sudden I wish I knew her better, wish she had of been around all those times I really needed someone to listen.  
  
"I see you took her example of a classic gutter-mouth." Justin mutters. Debbie playfully hits him on the arm, her good mood too true to be tarnished by little things. She grabs us up and takes us to a booth in the back, making Justin lead the way. She slows down a bit, pulling me to her.  
  
"You doing alright, sweetie?" I look at her, stunned for a minute. Stunned to see how this person can care enough to be genuinely interested if I'm fine.  
  
"Yeah, Deb, yeah I think I am." She smiles at me again, before ushering me beside Justin. And maybe I am. 


	6. Sniff, Sniff...I love the smell of decei...

*Author's Notes: Okay, none of this is mine, as we all know. I'm trying to incorporate some figures into this thing, alas, the main thing cannot be about De and Justin doing their things, oh wait, isn't that all that has been going on for about five chapters now. Oops. Unfortunately this one is also very short, but this is a part 1 chapter (Yay! My first parter!), but never fear I am writing the second part as we read. Get ready for some more too. It's a holiday. Bwha-ha-ha-ha.  
  
They hung behind me for a minute and I can't hear the hushed words exchanged. I hope they aren't talking about me, but they probably are. I wish I hadn't come here now. Too many damn memories. Too many damn ghosts- -lingering in the booths, perched on the stools. I mentally shake my head, picking a booth in the very back. Maybe I'll get through this unscathed, although I sincerely doubt it.  
  
They give each other a smile before Deb rushes back, overworking herself as usual. God love her, though.  
  
"What was all that about?" I ask. She's picking up the menu, hiding her eyes. I don't even need to look at it, I know all the dishes, the prices, and exactly how much grease they use in all of it. Ugh. I don't think this is gonna help our hangovers, but the fat might absorb some of that damn alcohol.  
  
"Nothing, just doing her motherly duties to us abandoned children." She smirks, going over the contents of the menu. Exactly like the other hundred of diners in this fair city.  
  
"That's awfully rich coming from you." I knew I shouldn't had said it the moment it came out of my mouth and the moment she lowered the menu, looking at me coldly from across the table. I was immediately sorry for it, but I was gonna wait to see what she had to say.  
  
"You know nothing Justin." She paused for a minute, gaining some of her composure she'd had earlier. "And just for that no lemon squares."  
  
"Sorry, but the lemon squares are going too far. I'm a suffering boy." She smiles at the remark. I can see she is extremely glad I dropped it. I love De, extremely, but there is something not any of us know about. First of all, no way in Hell could she afford that apartment and school supplies and fees with that lousy $350 her Dad sends her. She couldn't. Second, she has been in Pittsburgh, for what? Two months, three? I just ran into her about three weeks ago. She was either avoiding me, or.that's the only thing that I can think of. So, I ask myself, what's the deal? But like most things involving De it's complicated, no matter how much she proclaims that her life is all about simplicity. I'll have to do this very carefully, she has her little plan, but now I have one. Finding out what's behind all that bullshit, and she is hitting a double number in the bullshit-o-meter. And when it comes to people who matter, she really wouldn't bullshit you without a very important reason. So this makes me want to find out about it more.  
  
"Is nothing on this damn menu not going to give me a heart attack?" I laugh, sometimes she reminds me-no I better stop that train of thought.  
  
"I don't think so, kiddo. Now what do you want?" We order as much as our $7.89 will get us, we naturally go for desert, but Deb won't allow, so we have to get semi-real food. She better sneak us out some squares. 


	7. Sniff, Sniff....I love the smell of dece...

Author's Notes: I own nothing, not even the Season 1 DVD, damnitt. Now, part 2 of our little outing to the diner. Will they run into the rest of the gang? Into Michael? Into, *gasp* Brian?? Do you know? Because, well, I don't. LOL. And I am supposed to be in charge of this story. (I am Justin's evil pawn. This is *the* life, right?) Read and find out whom my crazy miss-lead youth runs into.  
  
This is enough grease to really kill me. What a dreadful way to go. But I'm so hungry I'll use my mouth for other purposes. It takes us awhile for us to finish, what we call, 'The Great Massacre of the Bovine 2002." That was all Justin by the way; I'm just an innocent bystander in this whole thing. Ha.  
  
"I think I am going to combust." I breathe heavily. Oh, God, why?  
  
"You better not, I just bought this shirt."  
  
"Look, you little princess, how can you even breathe in that thing?" I am easily distracted by the way, just incase you haven't figured that out yet.  
  
"It's not that tight," he mutters, looking down at it and pulling.  
  
"If I were any closer, one of your nipples would have poked my eye out."  
  
"Shut the fuck up, it's cold in here, and by-the-way you're a fine one to talk." He says pointing out my own little problem.  
  
"Damn." I say, both of us crossing our arms over our chests. Debbie does eventually bring us the *free* lemon squares. They taste so much better when they are stolen from The Man.  
  
I can tell by the way Justin is acting he wants to get out of here before another part of his extended family shows up. The big bummer is that I can't advise him to not avoid them, to stay in touch because if he wants to get technical they are his *real* family. But it's hard to get through that skull of his, but he would say the same thing about me.  
  
"You ready to get out of here?" I can actually hear the sigh of relief that comes out of his head. I'm sliding out of the booth, when I hear a shriek.  
  
"Baby!" Only a voice like that could signal the apocalypse, and soon the owner is swishing to the back, pulling Justin up and taking him in his arms.  
  
"God, it's been forever. Where the hell have you been? It's just been so dull around here without you."  
  
"Hiding out, Em. Sorry I couldn't make an appearance."  
  
"It's okay, baby, but you dropped of the face of the planet." 'Em' is still holding onto Justin, until he starts tapping his back. Em looks gracefully embarrassed and stands back noticing me for the first time.  
  
"And who is this little vixen?" He says it warmly, he looks oddly familiar from this light.  
  
"Emmett Honeycutt this is Dea Jones." I wince at the use of my first name. Stupid mother and drugs, but I will eventually get over it. He takes my hand and with a surprisingly strong grip, shakes it.  
  
"Nice to meet you sweetie, and how do you know Pittsburgh's very own sunshine?" Justin's cute little blush is now starting to become very crimson. Oh this is too good to be true.  
  
"Me and Sunshine and Daphne go way back, as far as I can remember actually."  
  
"Well, color me surprised because this is the first I've ever heard of you." He looks pointedly at Justin.  
  
"Don't worry, you haven't missed much." I laugh, I like this Emmett character. On the outside he's pretty pegged --- the flamboyant gay man, perpetually the life of the party. Something tells me his river runs deeper than that. It'd be nice to know more about him.  
  
"I don't believe that for one second. You look very interesting, honey. Now how long have you been in the Pitts?" I hate when the spotlight turns to me, I'm really not ready for an interrogation.  
  
"About two months, I'm laying off school for a little while." That's all I'm putting on the table.  
  
"I am in retails and sale, Torso?" I nod. Undoubtedly where Justin got his shirt. "I made a little of a living working on one of my friend's website." I nod again, mmm, I can only imagine. Far be it for me to pass judgment, I wouldn't have thought it though.  
  
"Yeah, our very own Fetch Dixon." Oh My God.  
  
"Oh My God." Emmett chuckles and brings his hand up to cup his shin, basking in his recognition.  
  
"Wow, Emmett, you actually made her speechless."  
  
"Wow." That's about all I could form at this point. He, it's, wow.  
  
"Are you meeting someone for lunch?" Justin asks. He's really not fooling anyone.  
  
"Justin, sweetie, you should try to talk-"  
  
"Emmett." Justin says softly, catching eyes with me. Emmett looks stern though; Justin's not getting off this easy.  
  
"I'll, uh, wait outside." They both nod and I slowly move away as they take their seat again at the back booth. Great.  
  
I give a little wave to Deb while she is busy taking an order. She returns it and makes a little sign like a telephone; I guess she wants the full details of everything that is going on. Like I said, great. They really need to put some benches out here for people to sit on, maybe some tables. I'll have to risk it and grab some curb until Justin and Emmett wrap up their little discussion on Justin's ex. I'm nervous about what Emmett has to say to him about Brian; really nervous about what Justin will do when he actually has to have a conversation about him. He's not ready.  
  
When I get really nervous, I start chewing on my fingernails. My mother used to slap my hands all the time because of that. I used to walk around with bruises on my hands all the time. She really couldn't stand that shit, very WASPY, as Justin says. And I guess he's right. She was more of a step-mom than a real mom anyway, so it's all the same in the end. Whatever it takes to get some much needed money this way south. I would have really hated to charge Justin rent, but by the time he came I was really scraping the bottom of the barrel. But I don't have to worry about that anymore, and that's a real relief.  
  
I missed Pittsburgh a hella lot, wow, never thought I would say that. Manhattan was just, blah, all these little fuckers, I would have killed to get out of there. I was ready to get kicked out of there. I had a little money, a little bus fair to get me from there to here. I knew a guy here, Mic; he was willing to put me up until he moved to Manhattan, which worked out quite well actually. He let me stay for free. He was willing to take my rent in trade, an experience I'm not to fond to repeat, ever again. And Justin wonders why I never want to talk about that serious shit.  
  
It's getting autumn here, and Pittsburgh is beautiful when it's in the transition of changing, everything changing. I really need to find that old camera my Dad gave me and use it around here. Maybe take some of Deb working around the tables, some of the kids in the park. I used to be pretty handy around a camera, but like a lot of shit, I gave it up. Quit it, actually.  
  
The crowds have moved in on the streets. I'm getting some weird looks; I do kind of look like a bum today. I move my head down and sniff, wow. I reek: Cigarettes, weed, and alcohol and the pocket shirt and jeans I wore last night. The shirt is really great for carrying cigarettes around. Speaking of.  
  
They are kind of rumpled but still good. Menthols with a joint packed in, just incase of emergencies and all that. Always be prepared. I'm very tempted to take out the joint but not in broad daylight, I'll wait till it gets dark for that.  
  
This always fucking happens to me. I'm about to go fucking insane with this cigarette in my mouth and no fucking lighter. I really need to quit these fucking things, but I'm afraid to get on the patch. With my fucking luck I'll get addicted to that. I swear I have the worst fucking luck in the world.  
  
And during my little mental tirade a lighter shoots out, I bend down. I don't care whom the fuck it is, I need that fucking smoke going down my lungs. Black tar over red flesh, that's a good visual.  
  
"Thanks." I murmur, taking in a heavy drag. I fucking love this shit.  
  
"Good thing I came along looks like you were about to murder someone just for a light."  
  
"Yeah, that's about right. Did a good job today. You can go home and be a hero, preventing the death of one of the innocent patrons of Pittsburgh finest."  
  
"That's me, a hero in sheep's clothing." I look Justin up and down.  
  
"You got that right."  
  
*Author's Notes 2: Hey all, wow this was really fucking long. Write back and the stories might get better, I dare ya. Anyway, in the next installment, I think I might make it a little angst-y. Stay tuned while I think of something to write. Loves, A. 


	8. Repoirtay for 200, Alex

*Author's Notes: Hello to all my loyal subjects, okay I'll voluntarily leave my little fantasy world (I won't go into details, maybe later). None of the characters are mine, with the exception are De, who I think will need to bring some much needed comic relief soon enough. I'll try to go back to my non-angst-y roots. *Scoff* R/R would be deeply appreciated.  
  
"To me, to me, Momma just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled my-"  
  
"MY EARS!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MY EARS!!"  
  
"Ahh! Shut the fuck up Justin! Damnitt! I lost my groove."  
  
"Honey, I hate to break it to you, but your "groove" left a long time ago."  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"You say that but I know you don't mean it."  
  
"Yeah, whatever. You'll know it when I kick your ass to the curb."  
  
"That's against the rules, remember, no pushing Justin out of a moving car."  
  
"I don't recall that being written anywhere."  
  
"That because you never thoroughly read the manual."  
  
"That was one time! One time!"  
  
"I can't believe I let you talk me into driving you to work."  
  
"You're supposed to be doing your duties as my loving, obedient girlfriend."  
  
"I know you really can't see my facial expression, but I'm glaring at you."  
  
"No, but I see the steam coming out of your ears."  
  
"I swear to God, Justin. I will beat you within an inch of your life and spit on your lifeless body with glee. Hear me, GLEE!!"  
  
"Yeah, I think I got the glee part."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Now, remember to go to that video store and put in your application."  
  
"Justin, no! That's just so -uh- degrading."  
  
"Yeah well I figured it up and even though Daddy's helping us out, it won't be enough. You, my dearest friend, need to get up off your lazy ass and get a real job."  
  
"I have a real job - babysitting you."  
  
"Funny, when I have to take care of you most the time. 'Justin get me some tea, I got high off my ass last night.'"  
  
"Damn you. You specifically get high on nights were I can't say anything to you, and - you can hold it better than I can. You built up a resistance, that's cheating!"  
  
"Whatever. Just admit that you need me, your life would be meaningless without me."  
  
"Sure, yeah, Justin, my life is a steaming pile of shit without you, however did I manage all these years without you?"  
  
"I often wonder that myself."  
  
"Anyway, what time are you getting off?"  
  
"I intend for it to be pretty soon."  
  
"Uh-uh Mister, we are trying to be sober tonight. This weekend we have to go visit the in-laws and pick up a nice bonus from Daddy dearest. Do pass go, do collect $200."  
  
"All I have to say it better be more that $200."  
  
"I'm pretty sure it will be, maybe we could go visit Zola."  
  
"Zola?"  
  
"She used to take care of me, when I was younger, but she was the maid and you know the slash person."  
  
"Yeah, so, why are we living like paupers when you are FILTHY rich?"  
  
"My question exactly, Justin."  
  
"It's good to know we are on the same page."  
  
"Speaking of pages, when are we going clubbing?'  
  
"Uh-hon-that has nothing to do with us being on the same page."  
  
"I know, I just wanted to change the subject, but, I couldn't think of anything."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"So when are we going?"  
  
"How about tomorrow?"  
  
"Okay, it'll relieve some of that jitters I'm gonna have going up there."  
  
"Are you sure you want to go?"  
  
"That's not the question, we have to go if we want the money. We show ours, they show us theirs."  
  
"Can you include sexual innuendo into any conversation?"  
  
"I can try."  
  
*Author's Notes 2: I didn't intend for this to be a dialogue only fic, but it ended up like that, so I say just go with it. It's coming out, eh? I'll continue writing, because I love it and I actually like where this is one is going. In the next, installment, Justin and De go to Babylon, where they run into, yep, you guessed it - the gang. (Author hopes desperately to get the characters right - might fail miserably, but will try.) Loves, A 


	9. Whores of Babylon...we should all be so ...

*Author's Notes: Hello all, no one can stop me now!! Right, I own nothing, Cowlip owns everything. *Sigh* But soon my people, we will reclaim what is rightfully ours! Ha. Hope you enjoy. Warning: This chapter contains drug use, those who are a little iffy about that might want to skip it and you know, go read Pretty When You're Faithful (I love you!!!). But, pretty much everything today revolves around sex, go turn your TV on. But why do that when you can get your reading in for the day and some illicit behavior? Two birds with one stone. Loves, A  
  
"You look like such a slut." He glances at me from the living room, fucking peeping tom. He's been ready for about fifteen minutes now so he thinks he is entitled to rush me. It takes awhile to tame this mane, if he doesn't like it, I'll, uh, poke him with my spikes. I peek in the mirror. Hey this was the look I was going for. Maybe a bit sluttier than I originally intended but it works out all the same.  
  
"Taylor, tonight I'll take it as a compliment."  
  
"Right, just like the other 364 days out of the year." I smirk because he's got me pegged. I can't believe I am finally going to Babylon. On Mixer night, whoo! I'll get me some for sure and meet the infamous Monsieur Kinney. Christmas is comin' early this year!  
  
"De, for the love of God, are you ready yet?" I sigh and clench my fists.  
  
"Almost. Jesus, I want to look oh-so-sexy-perfectly-fuckable tonight."  
  
"Well the themes going really well, if I weren't so gay."  
  
"Whatever, Justin, if you think you can have me."  
  
"Come on De, you'd be crawling on your knees for me to do you a favor."  
  
"Ha!" We both laugh heartily; the joint we passed around earlier is already setting in, so we'll be thoroughly fucked up by Babylon.  
  
"Done?" He asks tapping his foot impatiently. I'll say Justin wouldn't have to beg me too hard; he does look hot tonight. He hasn't looked this good for a while.  
  
"Do I look okay?" I murmur hopelessly.  
  
"De, if I were straight I would of fucked you silly by now. You look like a sex-kitten incarnate, come on, let's GO!"  
  
"Yay! I'm gonna get me some tonight."  
  
"Hopefully, your dear Justin will too." He takes my arm and leads me out the door.  
  
Justin has a thing for walking now; he does it almost all the time it seems. Yesterday, he got up at; get this, seven in the fucking morning. On a fucking run. Maybe he does it to clear his head *or* maybe it's much more symbolic than that. But I'm no fucking psychoanalyst. So, sure, we don't live very far from the Avenue but I own a car. But if he wants to, I will. We are getting very many looks this way, especially Justin. Wow.  
  
"Justin, my god man, you are on fire." He gives me that little smirk.  
  
"You are one to talk, you have got about twice as many looks."  
  
"You're full of shit. Who? Were they hot?" I ask glancing around.  
  
"I would not know."  
  
Yep the shit we took is definitely kicking in. My grip on his arm is really tight. I really don't want to fall right in the middle of Liberty Fucking Avenue. I love this feeling most of all, high on the euphoric cloud in the sky. Such a feeling of freedom and bewilderment. Like nothing is really touching you. Justin doesn't know, but while he was getting dressed, I snorted a little of my 'care package.' (Total thanks to Joule when I see her.) That is something he will not touch, for any reason. And he would totally kill me if he knew that I took it. But he won't, I go to great steps to keep that little fact from him. What Justin doesn't know won't hurt him.  
  
"This is it?" Wow. Color me disappointed.  
  
"Yeah, wait till you get inside, though. Fucking fantabulous. Hot guys, bare chests, a glitter bomb looks like it exploded as far as the eye can see."  
  
"I love you visual description, but unfortunately it's not doing anything for me."  
  
"Have some faith." I look at him skeptically, before we move in. Justin gives the bouncer a little bow of his and he moves us in. I catch the bouncer's eyes and he looks at me for a minute, like I'm somewhere I shouldn't be. Maybe I am. The lines are wall-to-wall men, and they don't look that bad. I can hear the music pouring out onto the streets, where people who aren't in are already dancing. Techno, an import, it has just the right mixture of beats and sexual harmony. I think I'm gonna have fun tonight.  
  
"Thanks, Anthony."  
  
"No problem, kid. I'm always on the look out for you."  
  
"I'll have to keep that in mind." Justin smirks at him and I want to gag at the obvious flirting between him and the caveman. Ugh. What we have to do to get in here.  
  
I was pleasantly surprised though. Babylon looks huge, everything is covered up by a majority of men but I see sprouts of women - hot women. Everything is so sparkly here; it's giving me a major mind trip.  
  
"Everyone in here is so beautiful." I say, my voice full of awe. Justin is ahead of me and I have a mad hold on his arm, I really don't want to lose him right now. There are a hella lot of people, lots of people.  
  
"Yeah." He looks back at me worried. I'm fine, fucking fine. Well except for the fact that I feel like I am about to burst out of this weak skin of mine, another gold glitter bomb to be sprayed over the pulsating bodies crowded everywhere.  
  
I smile and let Justin lead me, deeper into the mass of bodies. My welcome home. 


	10. The more they change...the more it stays...

*Author's Notes: None of this is mine. Okay so the last few have been written in De's POV, my little Justin would like his turn to speak and he thinks you might want to be filled in on the gaps. Don't you all? Alas this one is short. God, need break. Running on empty. Sleep? What the fuck is that? Feedback: Appreciated.  
  
Where the fuck is she? I swear to God, when I find her I'm gonna beat the shit out of her myself. Okay. Calm down, Justin. Overreacting, much? I'll look for her after I get a drink. A really big drink.  
  
"Hey, Kerri, a shot of beam." He nods at me, turning away to get me what I want. I know Kerri from my very short time on Sap's employment list. Seems like a cool guy plus he has great pot. Yeah, that's, uh, pretty much all I know about him.  
  
"Hitting it pretty heavy tonight kid." Oh My God. Oh My God. Oh My God. I turn *slowly* around.  
  
"Hey, Brian." Wow, that was lame. Don't sound panicked or anything, Justin.  
  
"Hey. You here all alone?" He looks around like I have a special someone around here about to confront him for talking to me, and the only person that ever did that is standing right in-front of me.  
  
"I was supposed to be here with De, but I don't know where she is now." I reach around behind me and grab the shot. I sink it down, grimacing at the aftertaste. The aftertaste is always the worse.  
  
He laughs. "Never could handle your Beam." I move over so he can squeeze in some counter space and he orders the exact same thing I did.  
  
"Anyway, enough with my lack of drinking talents, where are the rest of the boys?"  
  
"On their way in." He says looking out on the dance floor. He reminded me of a king surveying his majestic. He had a real pick tonight, cute guys abound.  
  
"Oh. You looking for anything special?" I ask, laughing. He's studying the crowd so hard, like he's looking for the missing link or something.  
  
"Always." I nod, still smiling. He would never change, and I really would hate it if he did. I pointed to my glass, once again leaning back on the glowing top.  
  
I'm about to ask him if he wants to dance when the three stooges pull up.  
  
"Hey baby!" Em shouts over the pulsating music, taking me into a big bear hug. Like he hasn't seen me in three years instead of three days. "Where's your little vixen, De was her name, right?"  
  
"Yeah and Lord only knows, probably fucking someone by now."  
  
"Ooh, she moves fast."  
  
"Got that right." I smile at them and drink down another shot. Ted takes a seat from me and Mikey moves to the other side of Brian. I'm glad Mikey and me settled whatever problems we had, with a little help from Brian on that one, but yeah, we're okay now. We aren't the best of friends, but still we don't intensely hate each other anymore. That's a plus, right?  
  
"Wanna dance?" Brian asks in my ear. Say it again.  
  
"Yeah." So much for the straight and narrow path. We head right to the center, reminding me of how things never really change. The music is great as w begin the well-practiced rhythm.  
  
He smiles at me, pulling me closer to his body. This is nice. I can handle this. Right? He feels so fucking good, smells so fucking good. Like sweet honey. Velvet. Everything you have ever loved in your life wrapped in a gorgeous body. He will never change, and so will my reaction to him.  
  
"You okay?" I have to ready his mouth because the music is so fucking loud; it's going through my body and out.  
  
"Fucking fine, why wouldn't I be?" He looks like he is about to say something, but stops himself and moves closer. Maybe I should had never left after all.  
  
Shut the fuck up. This kind of thinking is what got me in trouble the first now. You are a new fucking person now, someone who won't bend or break so easy, a self-reliant person.who seems to have a big weakness in Brian Kinney. He could say the same for me, though. Which makes it a lot easier for me to sink into this.  
  
That's when I catch a glimpse of her out of my eye. De, with that wild streak of pink in her hair, being half supported by.Fucking Leda? Where the hell did she come from? My God, De looks half stoned off her ass. What the fuck else has she taken since arriving here?  
  
Brian must have sensed that something was wrong because he turned to see what had so aptly taken my attention away from him.  
  
"Is that fucking Leda??" Apparently he was just as shocked as I was.  
  
"Yeah and three guess who she's pinning on that wall?"  
  
"What do I get if I get it in one?" Yep, definitely a 'De' comment.  
  
"Shut up." We start moving to where she is at, Brian grabbing my hand leading the way. Things never really do change, do they? 


	11. Beautiful....

*Author's Notes: Do not own any characters except De, wow, I'm like in this mood right now and this is a little darker than my original fic, but most of my stuff is. I went into this thing thinking I wasn't going to be so serious, well shit. I'll try again. But keep reading, I swear I'll make it worth your while. Feedback: Will go to hell and back for. Warning: Contains a little reference to drugs and some sexual situations. Short.  
  
~Summary~ Maybe De has finally met her match. But who comes to the rescue?  
  
Everything looks like it's in fragments. It's the flashing lights in the back of this place. The room with the chains, I can hear the moans coming out of there. Come. Waste away. My own little room of carnal pleasures. It's enticing. A woman has her arms wrapped around me, making me move the way she wants me to. Own me. Fuck me. The rhythm of the music is so intense, so damn intense. A real fucking song. Something you play when you either want the shit fucked or beat out of you. But the only music they play when they beat you is the music inside your head.  
  
What the fuck did Joule give me?  
  
The woman's hands on me are bruising, vise-like, powerful. She's the only thing keeping me upright. Hold me, make me stay. And I know she will. I roll my head back and my eyes go along for the ride. It's so fucking hot in here, so hot I think I'm about to explode, or throw up, or die. She puts something under my nose and I barely hear her hushed urge for me to take it. Take it baby. Take it. I do. Who am I do deny such a powerful beautiful creature? Dark eyes, dark hair. Lean body and magnificent strength. She would love to have me, fuck me into oblivion, and scream her name. Too bad I don't know it.  
  
She pushes me up against the wall, hard, knocking the breathe out of me and I don't have time to replace it because she swoops down to kiss me. I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe! She likes it when I struggle, takes hold of my arms, owning me. I want to laugh; I really don't think she can afford me.  
  
"Sweetness." She murmurs, as she lets me have some breathing room. She's got me surrounded, fucking everywhere. So fucking beautiful I want to weep. Want to worship her, let me get on my knees. She won't let go of me for the world, won't let me sick down. Just holds me up against the wall, kissing and biting my neck. Mark me. Buy me.  
  
"De?!" I hear the shriek of my name. The woman turns her head in the direction of the shout, a smirk on her lips.  
  
"You don't really want them to rescue them do you, sweetness?" I can just shake my head at her words, my eyes focusing on her mouth. Beautiful.  
  
"De?" It's closer, so close. I whimper and sink into her. I feel so full, so ready to burst open and cry and laugh and die. I'm so ready. Please touch me. Touch me and make me forget. I lean onto her shoulder, molding myself to her.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here??"  
  
"Why, Brian Kinney, that's a nice reception. You didn't really think I'd miss Babylon's first mixer, did you?" She smiles at him, turning me around to face him and Justin and several others.  
  
"No way, Leda. Didn't doubt it for a second." Leda. That's her name. Beautiful. 


	12. A night of RevelationsLooking through th...

Author's Notes: Alas, I have been away for a while. By now you should know that I am truly evil, and I love to write (shite). So your torture will continue until I have got my amusement out of this little story. So, HA. By the way, just got done reading The Fountainhead and I want to use a little mention of it. Because it's just so, fucking fantastic. If you haven't read it, I seriously insist that you do. By the way, I don't own anyone or anything, Cowlip does and so does Ayn Rand; I am merely doing this for fun. Call it artistic torture or the lack there of.  
  
He hasn't really talked to me in about two days, a kind of record for us. But I will not be the one to break this edgy silence. Whose will is strongest? More than likely his. I have very little faith in myself when it comes to the matter of Justin Taylor. He is the worst kind of evil: innocent, unfaltering in his belief that everything is entirely my fault. Damnitt. I never really stood a chance did I?  
  
He knows about my fine white china that night. His ex took one look at me and Wham! Thanks a lot, Kinney. I really would like to hold some sort of stupid grudge against 'the evil one', but my little black heart won't allow it, because in a reverse situation I would had done the same. Don't think it happened just like that. He didn't just come out and say: "Justin, my God, she's high as a fucking kite. And look here in her pocket, a glass vile of some white substance, and honey, I don't think it's confectioner's sugar."  
  
No it didn't happen quite like that. I know for a fact that Kinney said nothing until Justin was sure, himself that I was on my little cloud nine. Kinney just stated the obvious. So, I'm bitter. Let me see if I can get the story straight. Ah, that awful word-pun, whatever. Justin and Kinney were on the floor dry humping like sex-starved rabbits in full mating season. I was in the corner, presumably doing the same with a dominatrix type-Leda. Won't go any farther on that subject of the moment. Justin saw me, I don't understand why, according to the way it has been told to me, but apparently the pink in my hair that I love ever so much was what gave me away. Like I said. Damnitt. But, Justin came to save me, my bright shining white night, devotedly coming to the rescue of his damsel in distress. Me. I'll tell you that I was so fucking strung out at that point I wouldn't know Justin from anyone of the faceless bodies gravitating toward me. I was so fucking out of it at that moment. Never so fucking out of it in my entire life-well only once.  
  
I remember shaking, shaking so hard I thought I would fall apart. I can't remember the stupid little chitchat that exchanged between her and him, the joking, the old familiar jabs. She felt me shaking and pulled me towards her earning dark looks from Justin.  
  
He knew. He knew without Brian pulling him to the side to make sure at least a little of my dignity-of Justin's dignity was still intact. As if everyone that mattered to the two of them, didn't know I was flying high, high above all of them. They were all painfully aware of it. Justin scowled and pulled me out of my tight little cocoon, pulling me through the throng of people. Kinney was in front, separating the masses, Leda, right behind me, still keeping contact with some sort of my body: my index finger.  
  
"What did you take, Dea?" I winced. He used my full name, and spoke the words in a manner in which he was addressing a two year old child that lied about brushing her teeth, instead of a fully grown woman who was using, whatever, it didn't really matter.  
  
I resisted and leaned my body back against the counter, my hand clenching and unclenching, uncontrollably.  
  
"I need a drink." I said, laughing suddenly. The whole situation was incredibly funny, frighteningly funny. It wasn't to Justin. He really didn't care if I did drugs, the easy ones. The ones that won't make you crawl to them. But I hate to tell him those just don't do the job they once did. I made a promise to him. A promise long ago, to never, never touch the hard stuff again. He knew how it made me, how it scared him when I would call him late at night, breathing the haunting words over the phone.  
  
"I'm killing Myself, Justin." "I know, De." "I like it." *Silence* "I know, De." "You'll find me in the gutter, raped, beaten, wallowing in disease. Even then, I'll love it. I'll want more. More, More, More. It's never enough, you know. Never. Even when I'm dead. Even when you're dead. Never enough." "I know De."  
  
I shook my head, trying to get rid of the memories. Of nights where all I thought was to call and maybe, maybe then someone would understand. Understanding would be the greatest thing in the world.  
  
"I think you've had enough." The tall man, with the incredible eyes. He was all eyes. I giggled and lolled my head to the side.  
  
"Never. I could drink you under the table." I sighed, finally opening my eyes and addressing the group. Justin looked pissed, disappointed, maybe a bit of sadness in those incredible eyes of his. Leda looked amused, leaning against the counter with me. Maybe she thought she would stick around to see the drama unfold. There were three others. Plain, mousy, and the other one looked vaguely familiar. Later on I would try to think of the man's name, but only came up with the image of a magnificent dick, glowing like it's own being, pulsating in the all seeing light of a camera.  
  
"I don't doubt it for a second." He smiled. It was nice. No sarcasm, no immediate threat. Just warm, compassionate. It looked well on him.  
  
"Justin, I didn't take that much. I'm coming down from it as we speak." I'm lying through my teeth; I just had a little more control than I did before. A little more conscious thought. There was still a fantabulous feeling shooting through my veins, coming out of my body, going through every one in this room. He looks at me skeptically, wanting to believe, like a battered wife who thinks her husband will never lay another violent finger upon her.  
  
"I don't believe you." He said quietly. I sighed. I didn't want him to. I'll play anything that moves. I'll lie and cheat, but I never did like lying to him or Daphne. They were my family. I had to protect them. The somber mood was starting. Disappointment, sorrow, was setting in.  
  
"I want to fly, Justin. I want to stand above this great city, bigger than you, bigger than me, I want to stand over it and let myself own it. Own this. To be owned. You remember Fountainhead, Justin? You found it and loved it. You made me read it and I stayed up two straight days doing it, remember? I couldn't talk about it with you. But I loved it. I loved every fucking word in that torn paperback. I found it today, all yellowed and underlined. Remember the trial, Justin? Remember what he said? I remember every fucking word of it. Remember Justin?" I was so close to crying at this fucking point but I didn't give a damn. "I based my whole fucking life on that book, Justin. When Graham left, remember Justin? She was the first. To give it to me. To give me everything." I had to be thoroughly fucked up to talk about her. The woman that had fucked me up so thoroughly. "Remember, Justin?" He nodded, I moved over to him, wrapping all that I had to give around him. He pulled me over to a corner. So dark that you could easily do anything to someone in this corner without anyone ever really noticing it. I kept feeling his head nod against mine.  
  
"Dea, you of all people know how you get when you take this shit. This shit. How could you be so stupid?" He had ignored my drug-induced comments before; his only purpose now was the excellent job of rimming me out. A rimming that I deserved, unfortunately. He had pulled me close, hugging me tightly. To the casual observer it was a hug full of love, a hug of friends who had parted and had come crashing together. His fingers were so agonizingly implanted into my flesh, I couldn't even think of crying out. His anger going through me and back to him, a vicious cycle that would break when we broke apart. They will never tear us apart. He was all around me, enhanced by the drugs still going through my system. The other world fell apart, and there was only my brother and me.  
  
"How could you be so painfully dense? I remember just as well as you do. I remember how fucking inhuman it makes you. How this shit is all you can think of, all you can feel, hear for months? Without even fucking touching it, fucking seeing it. I remember you fucking promised me, De. You have never fucking broke a promise in your whole life." He was whispering this to me, whispering like the times I did on the phone. Beating him senseless with my dramatic verbal hits. It hurt him more. I never knew. That he had taken every blow. Every fucking blow along with me. I was this fucking close to sobbing. *Don't break down!! Don't break down! Don't let the bastards see it. Even if it fucking kills you!! Not yet. * He was killing me with his words, and he knew it. Took some sick satisfaction on being on the other end of the line now. He deserved it, in my opinion.  
  
"What the hell do you want me to say Justin," I whispered. Now holding him just as tightly. "Do you want me to get down on my knees, and beg your forgiveness? I'm sorry, Justin. So fucking sorry. It was innocent. Fucking innocent. You have your art and I have this. This is all I've got." If possible he hugged me even tighter.  
  
"You're wrong De, so fucking wrong, you have the whole fucking world." I felt him rub my back, but I never heard my silent sobs. Not ever. I wouldn't have believed I ever had them, if my face wasn't wet with some alien moisture. I would rather die than cry in public. It made me feel weak, insecure. But Justin held me tight, moving us deeper into the corner, away from the prying eyes of the ravenous world. Protecting me from myself. He would try at least. And that's all I really needed.  
  
I went home with Leda that night. 


End file.
